Note: All times PST
5:01PM: Wasting no time, here’s Ricky Gervais with his first monologue since the very different world of 2016.
5:02PM: Not exactly testing the limits with jokes about “Wild Hogs” and Joe Pesci whacking people.
5:05PM: The crowd hasn’t had enough to drink yet to even pretend this monologue is funny.
5:06PM: The first direct hit so far went after DiCaprio and the young women in his life.
5:07PM: Our first bleep! Excising a reference to the parts of herself that cat-Dame Judi Dench licks.
5:08PM: And there’s our second. Thankfully, on to the awards.
5:09PM: Comedy TV Actor goes to Ramy Youssef in a mild upset of Bill Hader and Michael Douglas that had been somewhat predicted. His line about no one having seen his show (“is that an editor?”), though, was better than anything Gervais had.
5:12PM: Limited Series/MOW Actor goes to Russell Crowe, who is home in Australia. “The Loudest Voice” hasn’t gotten a lot of awards attention, so that’s a bit of a surprise.
5:17PM: A lengthy Amazon commercial is a reminder that streaming is at the center of the TV world now, but AT&T ha the better ad with a spoof of the Gwyneth Paltrow awards show dress that wouldn’t let her take normal steps.
5:19PM: So… Elton John can see better without his glasses than with them?
5:21PM: A “Chernobyl” sweep of limited series categories had been expected, but after Jared Harris’s loss, Stellan Skarsgard’s win is a small surprise. He’s given us probably the first Golden Globes speech about eyebrows.
5:23PM: “Succession” steps into its deserved slot as the new great TV drama with its win–and gives the Globes the chance to say it got there before the Emmys.
5:30PM: And now, our annual reminder that no one knows or cares about anyone in the HFPA for 364 days of the year.
5:33PM; The Phoebe Waller-Bridge coronation tour continues with the TV Comedy Actress award, and who can blame the HFPA?
5:36PM: The Foreign-Language Film Award goes, of course, to “Parasite”. Remember that a film in this category isn’t eligible for a Best Drama Film nomination. Another note: it was interesting to see Neon invest in a TV spot immediately before the Globes began, which must have eaten up a big chunk of their marketing budget.
5:42PM: No offense to NBC, but Russell Hornsby and Arielle Kebbel aren’t Denzel Washington and Angelina Jolie.
5:44PM: Kate McKinnon gives the Carol Burnett Award to Ellen De Generes, which of course makes sense on multiple levels.
5:54PM: Ellen is everything you’d want a Lifetime Achievement winner to be, charming, funny and moving.
6:02PM: What a coincidence! Just after the lengthy promo for NBC’s “Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist,” here’s one of the stars of the show!
6:03PM: It’s “Succession”s night, with an award to the great Brian Cox. (Appropriately for the show, he defeated one of his TV sons.)
6:06PM: Quentin Tarantino, a significant win because while the film is Comedy/Musical, this category combines genres, so he beat The Irishman, Parasite, Marriage Story and The Two Popes. A nice moment for film buffs is his dedication of the award to Robert Bolt, one of the all-time greats.
6:09PM: An upset, as the heavily promoted “Missing Link” beat the presumed winner “Toy Story 4.”
6:16PM: Ladies and gentlemen, Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio are here to remind us what star power looks like.
6:17PM: Laura Dern takes Best Supporting Actress, which means that Jennifer Lopez did not. She’s now the overwhelming favorite for the Oscar.
6:20PM: Back to TV, where “Fleabag” accepts its crown. That’s the sound of Amazon loading up bags of money to try and convince Waller-Bridge to do another season.
6:23PM: …Win to Waller-Bridge for the Obama joke.
6:27PM: My ears hurt already and “West Side Story” doesn’t open for another 11 months.
6:28PM: No one this awards season has worked the refs like “Rocketman,” and it’s paid off (so far) with an Original Song award defeating Beyonce, Taylor Swift and “Frozen”.
6:30PM: Sacha Baron Cohen’s Mark Zuckerberg line was better than anything Gervais has come up with.
6:37PM: Patricia Arquette wins TV Supporting Actress for “The Act,” beating Meryl Streep among others. The moment of “Big Little Lies” seems to have passed. Meanwhile, Arquette delivers the most political speech of the night.
6:39PM: TV Drama Actress goes to Olivia Colman, blowing past Arquette, Witherspoon, Kidman and Jodie Comer. Her Majesty is having quite a run.
6:48PM: Charlize Theron wasn’t an obvious choice to present Tom Hanks with his career award, but she gives a sweet speech.
6:50PM: Watching the montage of Hanks’ career is like watching a 1-man history of American film.
7PM: As classy an act as cinema has to offer. Even Ricky Gervais won’t dog him with a gag.
7:02PM: Best Director goes to Sam Mendes, which makes sense in terms of technical feats, although perhaps not artistically. His win also upends the Oscar race.
7:10PM: Why exactly is Cate Blanchett presenting “Joker”?
7:11PM: Michelle Williams wins another richly deerved award for her amazing performance in “Fosse/Verdon”. She’s also become one of the performers most committed to making a statement with her acceptance speeches.
7:15PM: Limited series goes to “Chernobyl,” which was a heavy favorite.
7:24PM: Does it mean something that “Joker” won Best Score? Well, does it?
7:26PM: Brad Pitt was supposed to win Best Supporting Actor, and he does.
7:28PM: Pitt’s speech had some real personality, with a “Titanic” jab and praise for the Once Upon A Time’s studio head for his big balls.
7:34PM: Taron Egerton worked like a dog to get that Golden Globe with what primary pundits call “retail politics”. Whether it will bring him anything more is a very interesting question.
7:37PM: Awkwafina coasts over a Comedy Actress field that was, to be honest, less than stellar to take the prize.
7:46PM: Musical/Comedy Movie goes to Once Upon A Time In Hollywood, a crucial win for its Oscar hopes. “Jojo Rabbit” is probably done.
7:51PM: Sony took one of the night’s last commercial breaks to remind everyone that “Little Women” still exists, despite the HFPA’s lack of regard for it.
7:54PM: Glenn Close is here to remind us all how little a Golden Globe win can mean to the Oscars.
7:55PM: Joaquin Phoenix wins Best Drama Actor for “Joker,” making this a bad night for Adam Driver.
7:56PM: Phoenix is going to try to get bleeped more often in 2 minutes than Gervais has been all night.
7:58PM: It’s safe to say that no one from the studio or his publicist wrote Phoenix’s speech for him.
8:03PM: Is Rami Malek really “the star” of the new James Bond movie? Has someone asked Daniel Craig about that?
8:04PM; Not to be rude, but there’s something fitting about the star of “Bohemian Rhapsody” presenting the Globe to the star of “Judy”.
8:06PM: Zellweger is basically daring the orchestra to play her off.
8:08PM: And with one more Harvey Weinstein joke, Ricky Gervais vanished in a puff of smoke.
8:09PM: 1917 takes the Best Drama prize, which is a crushing blow to The Irishman. And to Netflix, which couldn’t score wins for any of its big titles.
With the exception of the wins for Brad Pitt and Laura Dern, the Globes didn’t establish much. Which is probably as it should be. Next up are the DGA/WGA/PGA nominations next week.
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