On with the show! (Note: all times are PST)
5PM: You just know CBS was hoping the AFC playoffs would run just a little bit longer, to screw with the start of the Globes.
5:05: Best bit so far: Julia Louis-Dreyfus sitting with the cool film crowd.
5:07: Fey: “Matthew McConaughey lost 63 pounds for Dallas Buyers Club… or what actresses call being in a movie.”
5:09: A good night for American Hustle? The Globes didn’t pass up the chance to bring Jennifer Lawrence to the podium.
5:13: Perhaps the most amazing thing about Jennifer Lawrence is that she may be the biggest star in the world right now, and there doesn’t seem to be a discernible backlash to her yet.
5:15: Those Globes and their TV awards… even Starz probably didn’t expect Dancing On the Edge to take a prize tonight, but there’s Jacqueline Bisset, beating Hayden Panettiere, Monica Potter and Sofia Vergara. The Globes voters may have outnumbered the show’s viewers.
5:17: Oops, NBC: they tried to bleep Bisset saying she wasn’t thanking “the people who’ve given me shit,” but the word they neglected to catch was the last one. Excuse me, it’s the FCC calling…
5:23: For just a minute there, HBO had to be panicking that Starz could pinch their Movie/Miniseries award. But no, Behind the Candelabra took it home.
5:26: Answer to future trivia question: Elisabeth Moss wins her Globe not for Mad Men, but for Top of the Lake. A very big win for the fledgling Sundance Channel.
5:27: It’s potty-mouth night on the Globes!
5:35: Time to pretend the Hollywood Foreign Press Association means something on the other 364 days of the year.
5:37: At this point, Bryan Cranston needs more room for his awards than Walter White did for his illicit cash. Meanwhile, true story: he starred in a movie that opened this weekend called Cold Comes the Night that made $510 at each of its 21 theatres. Fame is fleeting…
5:42: Even the iconoclastic Globes didn’t dare give Best Drama to anything but Breaking Bad.
5:44: The last season of Breaking Bad was shorter than the trek from the TV tables to the stage.
5:48: Harvey Weinstein sitting with his kittycat on his lap like Ernst Stavros Blofeld: “We’ll bring out the real Philomena, and no one will dare vote against us!”
5:50: Even though Best Score doesn’t otherwise mean much, losing to All Is Lost is an upset for fans of Gravity and 12 Years A Slave.
5:55: There was no way U2 was losing for the Mandela song. The only bigger surprise would be a loss by Cate Blanchett.
6:02: Hey, it’s the cast from Chicago Fire? What network is airing this show again?
6:03: Can Jon Voight outdo Bisset’s speech? Let’s see!
6:05: Voight was disappointingly lucid and gracious.
6:07: Amy Adams gets a big win… and still isn’t a sure thing for an Oscar nomination on Thursday.
6:13: If Adams manages to get nominated, that very nice speech will help her. Robert Downey Jr’s presentation speech, on the other hand, is the one you can deliver when you’re literally the richest guy in the room.
6:17: Netflix takes another step toward being a “real network” with a win for Robin Wright. She was excellent, but Tatiana Maslany should have taken this one.
6:19: Bulletin: Jim Carrey is still alive. And gets off a good Shia Leboeuf line, too.
6:22: Jared Leto cements his standing as the huge Oscar frontrunner for Supporting Actor, despite rumors that Daniel Bruhl might swing an upset.
6:25: You can tell how much Leto wants that Oscar by the careful graciousness of his speech. None of that old-time eccentricity to be seen.
6:30: Upset Alert: Spike Jonze’s script for Her beats both 12 Years A Slave and American Hustle.
6:32: The question is whether the Screenplay award was the HFPA’s way of giving one prize to a movie they loved, or if it presages more to come.
6:34: Laura Dern’s intro of her father’s Nebraska was lovely.
6:35: Andy Samberg gets some much-needed love for Brooklyn Nine-Nine, a show that deserves it.
6:36: In that random reaction shot of Chris Noth, he looked like he was planning a murder.
6:41: At least they didn’t introduce Zoe Saldana as “the star of the upcoming remake of Rosemary’s Baby“
6:42: The Great Beauty goes past Blue Is the Warmest Color for Foreign Film, a mild upset. Since Blue isn’t even eligible for the Oscar (don’t ask), Beauty becomes the big favorite.
6:45: Matt Damon walks away with the year’s Good Sport Award.
6:47: Michael Douglas and Bryan Cranston can build a joint Awards Warehouse.
6F:49: Frozen gets to practice its Oscar acceptance speech.
6:58: Amy Poehler gets a back rub from Bono and then a Golden Globe. This is the definition of a good night. Also having a hell of a night: Michael Schur, creator of both Parks & Rec and Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
7PM: Is it too much to hope that people will actually start watching these shows? It is? OK, sorry.
7:02: Fey to Poehler: “I love you, and there’s a special place in hell for you.” These 2 should host every awards show.
7:03: The Woody Allen I’m-not-showing-up-for this celebration begins. Does anyone remember that Leonardo DiCaprio actually starred in a Woody movie? (Celebrity)
7:10: A long bleep for Diane Keaton (that missed one “goddamn”)
7:11: They could’ve bleeped the song instead.
7:17: Alfonso Cuaron takes Best Director, beating Steve McQueen and David O. Russell. That doesn’t mean Gravity will win anything else, because of Cuaron’s extraordinary visual accomplishment–but it won’t hurt, and neither will Cuaron’s charming speech.
7:21: FOX gets a big gift under its tree: a Best Comedy win for Brooklyn Nine-Nine, which is getting renewed no matter what the ratings say.
7:28: DiCaprio has campaigned as hard for that Golden Globe (and Oscar, of course) as any big star has in recent years, and the HFPA isn’t immune to those charms. An extremely polished speech, too. This could well be his year.
7:36: Not to be out-Harvey Weinsteined, Rush brings out the real Niki Lauda to introduce the clip.
7:38: American Hustle, your Golden Globe Comedy/Musical Best Picture. All set for the nominations on Thursday.
7:45: Twitter is already hopping with people preemptively protesting 12 Years A Slave not winning. Really.
7:46: Tina’s supermodel vagina/DiCaprio joke broke NBC’s telecast.
7:47: Cate Blanchett, queen of the year’s awards circuit. You have to feel bad for the very fine actresses who have little if any chance this year against her.
7:49: Matthew McConaughey is a very popular winner, not only superb in the role but fulfilling the Oscar exacta of physical transformation and comeback.
7:51: The director cutting to Chiwetel Ejiofor after McConaughey was done saluting his fellow nominees was just plain mean.
7:55: Fun fact: except for Best Director to Cuaron, none of the Best Drama nominees has won a single Golden Globe up to this point.
7:58: Everyone calm down: 12 Years A Slave took Best Drama. But winning that and nothing else isn’t the strongest way to go into Oscar season…
7:59: The night’s big winners: American Hustle, Her (just for being remembered), McConaughey, DiCaprio. And on the TV side, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, of course.
8PM: Watching a Jimmy Fallon Tonight Show promo mistakenly tracked with The Biggest Loser sound is unintentionally fascinating.
And with that, we bid another year’s Golden Globes farewell. Congratulations to the winners and plenty of the losers, who will be back in just a few days when the Oscar nominations are announced.
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